What Would Jesus Have Done?

A Quiz

Christians consider it very important to emulate Jesus, to behave as they feel he would behave.

Here’s a quiz you can take to see if your ethics measure up to the standards of Jesus’ behavior. It’s easy: it’s multiple choice.


1. You are horrified to see that a large group of people are not treating a holy site with the proper respect that it deserves. It is vital that you inform them that what they are doing is a sin. Do you:
A: Calmly and quietly gather them together, and teach them the proper way to
B: Inform the authorities and let them deal with it.
C: Teach your own family and followers (if any) the proper way to behave.
D: Throw a tantrum, raise a ruckus, begin screaming in public, turn over the tables, throw the entire holy site into disorder and bedlam, all the while insulting them all and telling them what is wrong with them.

Answer: D.

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all those that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of those who changed money so people could bring the yearly half-shekels, and overturned the seats of those that sold doves for the holy sacrifices. And Jesus told them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but you have made it a den of thieves. (Matthew 21:12-13)

2. A certain religious denomination, the “Pharisees,” has denounced you as a transgressor and heretic. Despite this, a Pharisee dares to take you into his home and feed you, acting with true hospitality. As you begin to eat, the host politely reminds you that you have forgotten to wash your hands as the Law requires. In response, you:
A: Thank the man for reminding you, and you wash your hands.
B: Calmly explain to him that you understand the Law differently.
C: Calmly explain to him that this Law is for some reason unimportant, and since there are other Laws that are more important, you feel we are free to ignore this one.
D: Insult your host, call him a sinner, a hypocrite, and a fool, deride every religious practice that he keeps, in general make him feel worthless, all because he pointed out that you made a mistake.

Answer: D.

And as he spoke, a certain Pharisee asked him to dine with him: and he went in, and sat down to eat. And when the Pharisee saw it, he was surprised that he had not first washed before dinner. And the Lord said unto him, You Pharisees clean the outside of cups and plates, but inside you are full of violence and wickedness. You fools, did not the same G-d who made the outsides also make the insides? But rather give charity from what you have, and, behold, all things will be clean. But woe unto you, Pharisees! for you give tithes from mint and rue and all manner of herbs, and pass over judgment and the love of G-d: those are what you should do, and not to leave the other undone. Woe unto you, Pharisees! for you love the front seats in the synagogues, and to be greeted respectfully in the marketplaces. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like graves that don’t appear, and the men that walk over them are not aware of them. (Luke 11:37-44)


3. Despite being G-d, you are hungry. You see a fig tree, and you eagerly hope for some of the fruits to assuage your hunger. Unfortunately, it is not the season for these fruits to grow, so the tree has no fruit on it. In response, you:
A: Sigh, walk away, and hope to find food some other way.
B: You remember that the son of one of the Rabbis of the Talmud found a fig tree out of season, and he asked the tree to give forth some fruit, and it did (Babylonian Talmud, Taanis 24a). So you pray to G-d to send you some food.
C: You remember that you’re G-d, and create some food yourself.
D: Get angry and vindictive and curse the innocent tree.

Answer: D.

And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there. Now, in the morning as he returned into the city, he grew hungry. And when he saw a fig tree on the way, he came to it, and found nothing on it, only leaves, and he said to it, Let no fruit grow on you from now on, forever. And immediately the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, How soon the fig tree withered away! (Matthew 20:17-20)


4. You are speaking to the authorities. One of them does not like something you said, so he slaps you in the face. In response, you:
A: Turn your face and offer your other cheek for him to slap.
B: You apologize and promise never to do it again.
C: You pray that he repent his action and become a good person.
D: You protest the act and argue with the man who hit you, telling him he should not have done that.

Answer: D.

The high priest then asked Jesus about his disciples, and about his teachings and what he believed. Jesus answered him, I spoke openly to everyone; I always taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, where the Jews always go, I haven’t said anything in secret. Why do you ask me? Ask the people who listened to me speak what said to them. They surely know what I said. When he said that, one of the officers standing next to him slapped Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, Is that how you speak to the high priest? Jesus answered him, If I said something bad, testify against me. But if I spoke well, why do you hit me? (John 18:19-23)


5. You have taught your students to love everyone, even those that hate them; that they must bless those who curse them, and they must forgive their enemies. Now they want to know how you feel about your enemies. You explain to them that:
A: Of course your forgive all your enemies, and they will all go to Heaven.
B: You explain that all people are really equal, no matter what they believe
C: You tell them that you can never be hurt, because your are powerful and omnipotent, so you have no enemies.
D: You declare that all your enemies are going to hell forever, because you love only those who love you.

Answer D:

Whoever defends me before men, I will defend him also before my Father in heaven. But whoever denies me before men, I will deny him also before my Father in heaven. (Matthew 10:32-33) For I tell you, Whoever has, more shall be given; whoever does not have, even that will be taken away from him. But those enemies of mine, who don’t want me to rule over them, bring them here, and kill them in front of me. (Luke 19:26-27) The Father loves the Son, and has put everything in his power. Whoever believes in the Son will have everlasting life: and whoever does not believe in the Son will not see life; but the wrath of God will prevail upon him. (John 3:35-36) Those who do not live in me will be thrown away like branches, and be withered; and men will gather them, and throw them into the fire, and they will be burned. (John 15:5-6)


6. A member of another religion approaches you and asks for a favor or a blessing. You:
A: Remember that the Rabbis have always taught to treat all human beings with dignity, and you bless her.
B: Gently tell her that you have no power to bless her.
C: Tell her to pray to G-d for help.
D: Insult her because she is from another religion, call her a dog, and then finally bless her only because she declares that she believes in you and that makes you feel good.

Answer: D.

Then a woman, whose young daughter had an unclean spirit, heard of him, and came and fell at his feet: The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation; and she asked him to expel the devil out of her daughter. But Jesus said to her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not proper to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs. And she answered him, Yes, Lord: but the dogs may eat from crumbs that the children drop under the table. And he said to her, For saying that, you may now go home, because the devil has left your daughter. (Mark 7:25-29) Jesus sent out the twelve disciples, and commanded them, saying, Do not go on the roads to the Gentiles, and do not enter into any Samaritan city: Go only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. (Matthew 10:5-6)


7. You are teaching in public, and many people have gathered around to hear and learn. Some of the people assembled are sinners.
A: You speak with love and acceptance to everyone, and try to get the sinners to repent.
B: Publicly exhort them to repent.
C: Teach them using parables so that everyone listening can gain something, and grow from it.
D: You cruelly want to deny them salvation, so you speak in dark parables to make sure that the sinners do not understand, so that they cannot repent and attain salvation. Only those who already believe in you are allowed to learn and grow, and sinners are not permitted to repent.

Answer: D.

And when he was alone, those who were with him, along with the twelve, asked him the meaning of the parable. And he said to them, You are allowed to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but for the people outside I must speak in parables: That way, they will look but not really perceive, and they will hear, and not really understand; because as if they ever understand, then they would be converted, and their sins would be forgiven them. (Mark 4:10-12)

The disciples came to him and asked, Why do you speak you to the people in parables? He answered and said to them, Because you are allowed to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but they are not allowed. For whoever already has, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whoever does not have, even that will be taken away from him. Therefore, I speak to them in parables: because even when they look they do not see, and when they listen they do not hear, and they do not understand. And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah, which says, When you hear you will not understand; and when you see you will not perceive: For this people’s heart has grown thick, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have closed their eye; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. (Matthew 13:10-15)


8. The father of one of your students has passed away. He must, of course, make sure that his father gets buried, and he must observe proper mourning. In response, you:
A: Act sympathetically. You attend the funeral, you help him bury his father, and you make sure all his physical and emotional needs are met during the period of mourning.
B: Talk to him about the cycle of life and about Heaven, touching also upon the Torah’s Laws of family responsibilities, and the Law that we must bury the dead and mourn them.
C: You arrange for people to help him, reminding them that G-d commands that we put aside all other things and attend to the deceased and to their unfortunate mourners.
D: You cruelly order him to abandon his father’s body on the ground, and tell him that he must follow you and ignore his responsibilities to his departed father, because you are more important than anything else.

Answer: D.

And another of his disciples said to him, Lord, allow me at least to first go and bury my father. But Jesus said to him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead. (Matthew 8:21-22)


9. Not far from your town, there is a town founded especially for Neo-Nazis and other white supremacists. They torture and kill any non-white who enters their town, and they make frequent raids to your town to rampage and kill anyone they find. You wish to bring peace, so you:
A: Send delegations of peace to the town.
B: Help your townspeople fortify their town and defend themselves.
C: Organize a surprise raid and steal all the enemies’ weapons and render them incapable of attacking us again.
D: Invent false stories and parables that indicate that those who do not like you are the true evil, and that the Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists are really the better people.

Answer: D.

But he, trying to justify himself, said to Jesus, And who is my neighbor? Jesus answered him by telling him: Once, a man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and was attacked by thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, and wounded him. The theives then departed, leaving him half dead. A certain priest happened to pass along that road. When the priest saw him, he ignored him and crossed to the other side of the road. A Levite also took that same road a little later, and when he reached the wounded man, he looked at him, and then also ignored him and crossed to the other side of the road. But then a Samaritan came across him as he traveled on that road, and when he saw him, he had mercy on him. He went to him, bandaged him, treated his wounds with medicine, put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day, he continued on his travels, he took out some money and gave it to the innkeeper, and said to him, “Take care of him. If the cost of taking care of him exceeds what I gave you, I will pay you back the next time I pass by here.” So which of these three do you consider was a true neighbor to the man that was attacked by the thieves? And he answered, The one that had mercy on him. So Jesus said to him, Go, and do the same yourself. (Luke 10:10-37)


1-5 answers correct: Give up hope. You have too much goodness in your heart to qualify. If you hope to follow in the ways of Jesus, you will have to learn to be nasty, vindictive, cruel, and vengeful.

6-8 answers correct: You’re getting there. You may just be able to be a follower of Jesus, but you will have to learn to harden your heart more. I suggest that you spend 40 days and nights in a desert until you learn to hate everyone. It may not work, but at least there’s the chance you will get sunstroke and receive some interesting visions. You may even get to thinking you’re a prophet, or if you’re lucky, the Messiah!

9 answers correct: No one can be crueler than you. You are exactly what Jesus was trying to create! He wanted everyone to live as he did, and you have achieved that! Are you sure you’re not the second coming of christ? Now you can go forth and follow in the path of so many good christians before you, and kill an unbeliever for christ! Hey, start a crusade and kill a few million, while you’re at it.

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